As I slightly pushed the door, I noticed of sparkling and newly mopped floor made of marble tiles. I even could recognize myself in the reflection of floor. All items in desk were symmetrically aligned with computer in the middle. Pencils were perfectly sharpened, and papers were neatly put in folders. Bed was made with tightly pulled sheets and two fluffy pillows on both sides of the bed. When I opened the closet, clothes were pressed hard with iron and hung neatly. Books were arranged in right alphabetical order on the bookshelf. There were clock that is little bit slow, trophies that I got from music competition, and some toys that I played in my early ages that made an exact parallel. ‘Well, I don’t think I could sleep in this gorgeous room…!’
there were clock that is little bit slow, trophies that I got from music competition, and some toys that I played in my early ages that made an exact parallel..... this is good because this sentence tells you detail information about the toy, clock and trophies.
I stepped into the room, breathing in the smell of freshly waxed floors. I looked around at my room taking in the crisp sheets on the bed, my bookshelf with perfectly ordered books and opened my closet filled with my clothes in colour order, all ironed and pressed. I decided that I should start on my homework, but not wanting to ruin the cleanliness of my perfectly lined out desk I decided that I would do it down stairs. I walked down to find my mother sitting at the desk. “ Mum can you hurry up? I need to do my homework.” I asked. “You have a perfectly good desk in your room, use that.” She answered. “But I don’t want to mess it up.” I answered. “That’s what desks are for though.” I stormed upstairs in anger. I flung my door open to see my little sister sitting in the middle of my books and pencils, all scattered around the room.
as i walk in my room after a tiring day at school, i smell the scent of super fresh linen and the fresh lemony scent from my newly mopped tiles. when i looked at my bed the sheets were crisp and pulled tightly. my blanket hangs perfectly on both sides of the bed and my pillows were fluffed. as i walked further into my room i see my desk neatly arranged with my computer right in the centre of the desk. The Folders and stationaries were perfectly arranged on my desk and clearly labeled. Next to my desk lays my Bookshelf where all the books are aligned in alphabetical order while my figurine's sit on top of the bookshelf's. I went to walk to my bed and when i sat on my bed the sheets were crisp and my blanket was very warm.
I like your showing sentence next to my desk lays my bookshelf where all the books are aligned in alphabetical order while ~ , it shows me where is bookshelf and figurines are
as i walk in my room after a tiring day at school, i smell the scent of super fresh linen and the fresh lemony scent from my newly mopped tiles....i like this sentence because i can imagine what will smell be like
When I entered the room, there was a lemon fresh scent, the floor was sparkling, newly mopped and I could see my own reflection on the floor. The bed sheets are crisp pulled tightly, the fluffed pillows were neatly arranged and the blanket hangs perfectly even on both sides of the bed. All items were symmetrically aligned on the desk and the electrical plugs are labeled and perfectly placed. My pencils are sharpened and put in pencil holders and the chair was neatly pushed in. right beside my desk, the books are alphabetically arranged on the bookshelf. The small clock and my trophies were also perfectly aligned in front of the books. As I opened the closet, the clothes hung neatly and all of them were iron pressed.
i like how you said All items were symmetrically aligned on the desk and the electrical plugs are labeled and perfectly placed because it looks really clesn and very neat person.
The small clock and my trophies were also perfectly aligned in front of the books. i like how you describe small clock and say front of the books..... i can imagine what would it be like
When I entered the room, there was a lemon fresh scent, the floor was sparkling, newly mopped and I could see my own reflection on the floor. I like this because you can picture what it looks and smells like.
When I went inside my room, my floor was sparking like it was newly mopped. I could even see my reflection in the floor. I was almost about to slip because it was mopped so well. In the bed, the blanket was pulled tightly and arranged really well. The pillows were fluffed softly. On the desk, all items were symmetrically aligned. It looked really neat. The pencils were in pencil holders and the pencils were all sharpened really sharp. The computer was in the middle. Chair was neatly pushed in and all the papers were in the folder neatly. The labeling stickers were evenly arranged on the side of the folders. School bag was hooked in the door. Inside the closet, the clothes were hung neatly and ironed clean. The closet smelled fresh lemon flavorings and it was great. In my bookshelf, the books were alphabetically arranged and it was all highest to shortest arrangements. On top of that, I had a lot of trophies, snow globes and little clay figures.
My room was really wonderful. Sparkling floor, it was so clean that I could see my own reflection. All the furniture was arranged in the good place so there was lots of space. The bed was made, sheets were crisp, pulled tightly, blanket hangs perfectly even on both side of the bed and lastly fluffed pillows were neatly arranged. All items were symmetrically aligned on the desk, pencils were in pencil holder. Chair was neatly pushed in. On the bookshelf books were arranged tallest to shortest and on the top of the shelf there were trophies, toy, action figures, snow globe and souvenirs. Inside the closet all the shirts and pants were ironed and hanged tidily and bags hanged on the stand hanger. All chargers were neatly tied up with cables ties.
i like how you wrote- All the furniture was arranged in the good place so there was lots of space. The bed was made, sheets were crisp, pulled tightly. it look like the bed is really clean and perfectly organized :)
Her room was super clean that my mum was so happy she said to me once “I think you got the cleanest room it the world”. It was so clean that just the slightest jog or run will slip and land either face first or head first it was polished clean it was like a mirror, the bed was made with the duma on it perfectly evenly aligned all sides, pulled tightly crisp and with pillows fluffed, with drawers with clothes in it parallel with each other and with them stacked up together arranged in order for the days of the week, also the desk was pitched perfectly with all items symmetrical even the pencil holder was neat and tidy all the pencils was sharpened and you won’t want to slip on that, chair pushed in, but there is also a huge book shelf that she has in her room (She likes reading books) and every book had labels and even bar codes on them because so she can keep track of what she’s reading it’s basically a mini library, also there in her room on top of her book shelf was a hole heap of trophies, clay figures, a clock, pictures and ETC.
I particularly liked this sentence - but there is also a huge book shelf that she has in her room (She likes reading books) and every book had labels and even bar codes on them - it gives me humor
but I think you used commas too much and the sentence is very long :)
Ash walked in she saw her reflection on her newly mopped floor, she walked over to her pillows were buffed and organized in biggest to smallest. She pushed her self of the bed, she went over to her desk. All her pencils and pens were in the right places. Her computer was in the middle of her desk. All her books were organized in alphabetically and there was a candle lit so the room smells sweet, she skipped over to her closet because she has lots of space to walk around. Her clothes were all in color code and ironed so they don’t have any cresses. All her cables were organized with a tie and all perfectly put into the right plug. All of her jewelry were spotless, up above the desk in a clear shinny box. As she walked out of her room she made sure her floor did not have any shoe marks.
I opened the door to the only sane place in this building: my room. It was so nice here that I took three moments to appreciate it. The first thing I notice is the freshly mopped, checkered marble floor. Not a dust might, dirt stain or blood stain on it. It was so clean in fact that I could see my unnerving, disoriented reflection. I then turned my attention to my, probably forein single sized bed. Sheets of silk were crisp and the new sky blue contrasting pillow were fluffed. the books in my book case formed there own miniature library. countless lines of books alphebetised by the aurtors surname and carfully labeled one inch from the bottom of the spine. Next to the mountain on knowledge was my desk where i procces that knoledge. The layout of my study space was asymetrical with my laptop in the middle of the desk. My pencils were placed neatly in the little pencil mug that said ' I 'heart' to learn' on the sides. My cloths area was also pride worthey. In my closet my coats and jeans were neatly hung on the hooks. In my cupboards, my other cloths were recently pressed and ironed, and my undergarments lay in almost cute piles netx to then. I hung my bag on the nerest hook that was clearly labled 'weapons sack', which was next to many other abled a variety of other things. As I went for my bed, I slipped over my waxed floor, about to tumble to the hard marble, but managed to grab onto an electrical socket near my desk, avoiding concution. Unluckily for my the house was begining to have another power surge. I scramble to balance myself so I could stop holding on to the socket, yes it was that clean. I for a second I thought I was going to mak--
I really like your paragraph!! There are so much details and showed well especially Sheets of silk were crisp and the new sky blue contrasting pillow were fluffed
+asymetrical - asymmetrical (capital letter)countless lines of books alphebetised
It's good that you wrote alot of discriptions about the room was spotless. I like this sentence the best - The first thing I notice is the freshly mopped, checkered marble floor. Not a dust might, dirt stain or blood stain on it. It was so clean in fact that I could see my unnerving, disoriented reflection. It feels really fresh. :)
As I stepped into my room, the first thing that hit me was the fresh lemon scent of a newly mopped floor. Chair was pushed in, without even a butt print. My pencils are arranged by colors and placed inside the original package, like its unused. Dirty clothes were out of my side like it wasn’t there. Books are alphabetically in orders. Homework’s stacked neatly beside the stationary. Bags and hats put down carefully in the right spot. No drawers jutting out. Pillows were fluffed up. Not a single piece of crumbs on the floor or anything would be able to enter the room because it will get executed. Everything in my room was in place like it’s a new fresh room.
The first thing to see when I enter the room is books that were ordered alphabetically on the big wooden bookshelf. After taking a next step on polished marble floor, a bed with no dust on would come into your sight. Then a white wardrobe filled with immaculate clothes, a backpack carefully put down beside it. A vacuum was leaning against a smooth wall, ready for action in case my muddy brother comes into the room. On my desk, a label maker and a silver shiny laptop comfortably sitting on their exact, waiting for me to use. I am not able to see dirty clothes anywhere, because they were hidden in a plastic box. Toys looked like freshly made in the factory just now, fully packed in one huge basket placed in the corner. I was pleased to see that my little 4-year-old stinky brother hasn’t come in. I smiled, hanging my school bag behind the door. Then I heard a high toned voice. “Katie! Katie! Can I borrow your toys?” I panicked at once, smile disappearing from my face. I heard the footsteps getting closer. Oh no! That’s my brother! Quickly running towards the super vacuum, I stood in front of the door, ready to beat him. Just in time, the door opened. I switched the vacuum on, immediately lifting it up in front of his face. “Ghsjjjdneee” The vacuum made a strange loud sound, trying to put his face in its hole. He raged, crying as loud as an eruption. 5 minutes of struggling to escape from the vacuum, his hair was badly messy and his face was incredibly red like a tomato. I finally let him go, saying "Do not come back again! I told you so many times not to come into this room!" Making sure he dissapeared, I shut the door loudly. Fortunately, I could see no mud anywhere in my lovely room.
As I pushed the door open and let go of the handle, I noticed a sense of cleanliness in my room. I started walking and the first thing I noticed was the floor. The wood was perfectly polished that I could see, even up to the finest texture. Not even a termite would bite on these floors. I turned my head and I saw more uncluttered changes in my room. The glass on the wardrobe and mirror were gleaming and shining like pure gems. They were so immaculate that I could see my reflection, details and all. I turned my head in the other direction and saw my "2nd generation" desk. The desk chair was pushed in and spick and span, like an unopened package, but with no signs of a person. Additionally, the pencils and colored pencils were arranged and ordered like the colors of an art palette. They seemed like they were popping out at me, with happiness on their pencil tips. Likewise, the computer and television had their own organization; the electricity cables were perfectly connected. It was like a highway full of circuits, with no tangles. Finally, I reached the other side of my room, with the window in full view. I opened the window and... a gush of fresh air streamed in. "Ahhh...", I sighed, as scents of plants, flowers and the heat arrived, reflecting on my windowsill.
My room is spotless As I step into my room I could smell lemon fresh scent from the recently moped floor and the air freshener by the turned on the AC, I hang my orange Samsonite school bag on a silver steal hook by the door. I took a seat on my buttprintless black chair and took a glance at my orange room and see that the bed was properly made, a pillow with a brownish cover was placed on the top of the bed and the white and blue Lufthansa blanket was folded and placed on the lower part of the bed. I also imagine how I would feel when it is messy, it was a horrible thought. I took of my smelly white school T-shirt, folded it and put in a light blue basket by the door with other folded dirty clothes in it, than I took of my long dark green trousers and put it also in the full basket. I walk to my orange and light brown wardrobe, open it and take out the clothes that are prepared for Monday which is today. I put on a black Adidas t-shirt and short light-grayish cargo pants and put them on. I took out my black Acer laptop out of its black laptop carrier and placed it on my light wood colored desk with all the pens and pencils placed in it dark grey container in a pocket on the table. I turned on my laptop and did the homework that Ms. Katrina told me to do about “My room is spotless”. By: Markus
As I stepped into my room, hanging my school bag neatly on its designated hook, the first thing that hit me was the fresh lemon scent of a newly mopped floor. I sat down on a chair which was pushed in, without even a butt print, watching my table. I felt that my table which has lots of containers which were systematic would make anything be in order, opening glasses on wardrobe. After that, I felt dizzy so I lied on my bed. The pillows were flopped, and the sheets were tight even I could sleep well for 5 hours.
When I opened the door the lovely and fresh lemon scent that, made me to think of cold ice lemonade, I drank in last summer vacation, which is made from my grandmother, who has lemon orchard. It made me feel better, and felt like my head became fresher. After intoxicated by the fresh scent of lemon. I looked around the room to check whether everything is on their spot, as I predicted, everything was on its spot. It was looked like everything is welcoming me. The soft bed, that make me sleep only in a seconds and my favorite blue chair made with the oak wood with the soft cushion on, were both looked like they wanted me to use themselves, so put my bag that is heavy as a ton of rock, in right spot, that is next to the white table, on the table, there were groceries, container with three floors, that is really big. After put my bag in right spot, I changed my clothes and put my clothes in the wooden laundry box that is sculpted the word as, ‘This box is for Laundry’ and painted with white paint. After put my clothes right into laundry box after folding it, I started to do my homework, I found my pencil and eraser in three floor container, with name label on it, first floor labeled for pencils, seconds floor for eraser and third is for color pencil or pen. Then I went to the bookshelves to find the book I need, it was easy that the book were categorized in alphabetic order. Then I went to find cds and radio to play classics that will help me to study, in cd case cds were categorized in alphabetic order, as like bookshelf, after finish myhomework I throwed myself in the soft bed that is welcoming me but, suddenly with smell of dirt that disturbed the fresh lemon scent, that intoxicated me, my little brother came with messy hair and dirt and mud on his hand, as he entered room, my room started to ready for attack that will my brother will give to my room, so my floor that is really clean that I can see pattern of marble made my brother to fell down. But, my poor brother who hurted his head just wanted me to come down for dinner. So, after help him to stand up we went to downstairs after close my room’s door tight my door as possible.
When I enter my room I was met with a flash of gleaming light that almost blinded me because of how clean it was, I hung my bag on its shiny golden hook designated especially for the bag. I went to my working station and saw that everything is in its rightful place and sparkles like somebody was waxing it for hundreds of years, I placed my neatly organized books and files next to my colour coded pencil holder. I went to the other side of the room seeing all of my miniatures perfectly displayed without a single speck of dust on them. My Bed was neatly tidied with everything tucked in properly in its place with the pillows perfectly fluffed up. I looked down seeing that the floors was waxed to perfection shining and gleaming, it looked like if I ever spilt a drink on it a vacuum cleaner would come out of nowhere and attack that one spot like a vicious lion attacking a injured deer in the middle of rush hour on the high way. I went to open my wardrobe to see that all my clothing were hung on their racks and in their draws. Moving to my bathroom I saw a flash of light like a angle descending from the heavens to clean the bathroom. But suddenly a squealing sound from behind the door, I was thinking “NO NO NO!” As a pig slammed through my door luckily the pig had only one mud spot but I saw it running towards my beautiful made bed but before it got there I leaped forward doing a leap of faith jumping onto the pig and managed to snag him, but it turns out I messed my own bed up.
Hi my name is Nima and I want to tell you the story of my friend (Zoella’s) room and how clean it was, literally when he opened the door I was really shocked, not like my room it was smelly, full of junk, dirty laundry everywhere, pencils everywhere I think I better follow him and do what he does. Any way enough talking about my room lets move on to his room. I could really smell the lemon scent in the air and I saw lots of caramel, cranberry and ocean wave candles burning that made the room smelled like heaven, next thing I saw was her desk, it was so organized the stationary was in place, books were stacked up in a pile and also there was also lots of thorn hanging round and standing on her desk, even her makeup desk was clean she puts everything in a bag depending what the items are like nail polish, eye shadow, lipstick, eyeliner and more and puts it in a drawer. Her room was out of this world.. and I really want to come here again.
As I stepped into my room, hanging my schoolbag neatly on its designated hook, the first thing that hit me was the fresh lemon scent of a newly mopped floor. My chair had no butt prints. I lay down on the bed which had white, clean sheet with dolls lined up in a row. The entire room was so clean and sparkled that you need sunglasses. On the desk, items were symmetrically lined with computer in the middle. Right next to it, there was a bookshelf with books arranged alphabetically. A crumb entered this room, but it was executed immediately by a vacuum. Then, bacteria entered here, but there were no other bacteria in here, and it meant no friends for it, so it was very sad and eventually, it went out to find its friends.
As I slightly pushed the door, I noticed of sparkling and newly mopped floor made of marble tiles. I even could recognize myself in the reflection of floor. All items in desk were symmetrically aligned with computer in the middle. Pencils were perfectly sharpened, and papers were neatly put in folders. Bed was made with tightly pulled sheets and two fluffy pillows on both sides of the bed. When I opened the closet, clothes were pressed hard with iron and hung neatly. Books were arranged in right alphabetical order on the bookshelf. There were clock that is little bit slow, trophies that I got from music competition, and some toys that I played in my early ages that made an exact parallel. ‘Well, I don’t think I could sleep in this gorgeous room…!’
ReplyDeletei really like your showing sentence- pencils were perfectly sharped and papers were neatly put in the folders.
Deletethere were clock that is little bit slow, trophies that I got from music competition, and some toys that I played in my early ages that made an exact parallel..... this is good because this sentence tells you detail information about the toy, clock and trophies.
DeleteI really like your paragraph because i can picture it in my mind and its really detailed:D
DeleteThis is good keep it up!
Delete‘Well, I don’t think I could sleep in this gorgeous room…!’
DeleteI like this dialogue because it shows how she feels about it being clean.
I stepped into the room, breathing in the smell of freshly waxed floors. I looked around at my room taking in the crisp sheets on the bed, my bookshelf with perfectly ordered books and opened my closet filled with my clothes in colour order, all ironed and pressed. I decided that I should start on my homework, but not wanting to ruin the cleanliness of my perfectly lined out desk I decided that I would do it down stairs. I walked down to find my mother sitting at the desk. “ Mum can you hurry up? I need to do my homework.” I asked. “You have a perfectly good desk in your room, use that.” She answered. “But I don’t want to mess it up.” I answered. “That’s what desks are for though.” I stormed upstairs in anger. I flung my door open to see my little sister sitting in the middle of my books and pencils, all scattered around the room.
ReplyDeleteI love your dialogues!! It shows me well how the character feel
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Deletei like your pharagraph that you wrote :) I stepped into the room, breathing in the smell of freshly waxed floors.
Deletei like your paragraph so much because there are lots of dialogue... dialogue helps me to understand how the character feel
DeleteThis a very great paragraph it like a story
Delete"I stepped into the room, breathing in the smell of freshly waxed floors." love this sentence:)
Deleteas i walk in my room after a tiring day at school, i smell the scent of super fresh linen and the fresh lemony scent from my newly mopped tiles. when i looked at my bed the sheets were crisp and pulled tightly. my blanket hangs perfectly on both sides of the bed and my pillows were fluffed. as i walked further into my room i see my desk neatly arranged with my computer right in the centre of the desk. The Folders and stationaries were perfectly arranged on my desk and clearly labeled. Next to my desk lays my Bookshelf where all the books are aligned in alphabetical order while my figurine's sit on top of the bookshelf's. I went to walk to my bed and when i sat on my bed the sheets were crisp and my blanket was very warm.
ReplyDeleteI like your showing sentence next to my desk lays my bookshelf where all the books are aligned in alphabetical order while ~ , it shows me where is bookshelf and figurines are
DeleteI like how you explained it, it really shows me how the character is feeling:)
Deletei like how you wrote i smell the scent of super fresh linen and the fresh lemony scent from my newly mopped tiles. i can really smell fresh linen! :)
DeleteI really liked your paragraph because you can picture what the room looks like and how the bed feels.
Deleteas i walk in my room after a tiring day at school, i smell the scent of super fresh linen and the fresh lemony scent from my newly mopped tiles....i like this sentence because i can imagine what will smell be like
DeleteI like your paragraph but remember to put capitals and also its pass tense not present tense but I liked it.
DeleteWhen I entered the room, there was a lemon fresh scent, the floor was sparkling, newly mopped and I could see my own reflection on the floor. The bed sheets are crisp pulled tightly, the fluffed pillows were neatly arranged and the blanket hangs perfectly even on both sides of the bed. All items were symmetrically aligned on the desk and the electrical plugs are labeled and perfectly placed. My pencils are sharpened and put in pencil holders and the chair was neatly pushed in. right beside my desk, the books are alphabetically arranged on the bookshelf. The small clock and my trophies were also perfectly aligned in front of the books. As I opened the closet, the clothes hung neatly and all of them were iron pressed.
ReplyDeleteThe bed sheets are crisp pulled tightly, the fluffed pillows were neatly arranged~ is my favorite!! I could imagine what the bed looks like
Deletei like how you said All items were symmetrically aligned on the desk and the electrical plugs are labeled and perfectly placed because it looks really clesn and very neat person.
DeleteThe small clock and my trophies were also perfectly aligned in front of the books. i like how you describe small clock and say front of the books..... i can imagine what would it be like
DeleteWhen I entered the room, there was a lemon fresh scent, the floor was sparkling, newly mopped and I could see my own reflection on the floor.
DeleteI like this because you can picture what it looks and smells like.
When I went inside my room, my floor was sparking like it was newly mopped. I could even see my reflection in the floor. I was almost about to slip because it was mopped so well. In the bed, the blanket was pulled tightly and arranged really well. The pillows were fluffed softly. On the desk, all items were symmetrically aligned. It looked really neat. The pencils were in pencil holders and the pencils were all sharpened really sharp. The computer was in the middle. Chair was neatly pushed in and all the papers were in the folder neatly. The labeling stickers were evenly arranged on the side of the folders. School bag was hooked in the door. Inside the closet, the clothes were hung neatly and ironed clean. The closet smelled fresh lemon flavorings and it was great. In my bookshelf, the books were alphabetically arranged and it was all highest to shortest arrangements. On top of that, I had a lot of trophies, snow globes and little clay figures.
ReplyDelete"The pillows were fluffed softly"
Deletei like it because it makes me feel like the pillow is very soft and puffy
My favorite sentence was the closet smelled fresh lemon flavorings and it was great because I could imagine the scent of lemon!
DeleteMy room was spotless
ReplyDeleteMy room was really wonderful. Sparkling floor, it was so clean that I could see my own reflection. All the furniture was arranged in the good place so there was lots of space. The bed was made, sheets were crisp, pulled tightly, blanket hangs perfectly even on both side of the bed and lastly fluffed pillows were neatly arranged. All items were symmetrically aligned on the desk, pencils were in pencil holder. Chair was neatly pushed in. On the bookshelf books were arranged tallest to shortest and on the top of the shelf there were trophies, toy, action figures, snow globe and souvenirs. Inside the closet all the shirts and pants were ironed and hanged tidily and bags hanged on the stand hanger. All chargers were neatly tied up with cables ties.
-Minseo-
i like how you wrote- All the furniture was arranged in the good place so there was lots of space. The bed was made, sheets were crisp, pulled tightly. it look like the bed is really clean and perfectly organized :)
DeleteI like how you described the closet because I could picture it that clothes are neatly arranged in line
Delete"Inside the closet all the shirts and pants were ironed and hanged tidily and bags hanged on the stand hanger." i like how you describe it:)
DeleteHer room was super clean that my mum was so happy she said to me once “I think you got the cleanest room it the world”. It was so clean that just the slightest jog or run will slip and land either face first or head first it was polished clean it was like a mirror, the bed was made with the duma on it perfectly evenly aligned all sides, pulled tightly crisp and with pillows fluffed, with drawers with clothes in it parallel with each other and with them stacked up together arranged in order for the days of the week, also the desk was pitched perfectly with all items symmetrical even the pencil holder was neat and tidy all the pencils was sharpened and you won’t want to slip on that, chair pushed in, but there is also a huge book shelf that she has in her room (She likes reading books) and every book had labels and even bar codes on them because so she can keep track of what she’s reading it’s basically a mini library, also there in her room on top of her book shelf was a hole heap of trophies, clay figures, a clock, pictures and ETC.
ReplyDeleteyou dialogue is really nice. i really like this sentence that you wrote-
DeleteJordanHunterx36 February 2014 22:37
Her room was super clean that my mum was so happy she said to me once “I think you got the cleanest room it the world”. it's really fun to read :)
Sorry i didn't know what i typed i was in a hurry
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI particularly liked this sentence - but there is also a huge book shelf that she has in her room (She likes reading books) and every book had labels and even bar codes on them - it gives me humor
Deletebut I think you used commas too much and the sentence is very long :)
Ash walked in she saw her reflection on her newly mopped floor, she walked over to her pillows were buffed and organized in biggest to smallest. She pushed her self of the bed, she went over to her desk. All her pencils and pens were in the right places. Her computer was in the middle of her desk. All her books were organized in alphabetically and there was a candle lit so the room smells sweet, she skipped over to her closet because she has lots of space to walk around. Her clothes were all in color code and ironed so they don’t have any cresses. All her cables were organized with a tie and all perfectly put into the right plug. All of her jewelry were spotless, up above the desk in a clear shinny box. As she walked out of her room she made sure her floor did not have any shoe marks.
ReplyDeleteI really like your dialogue and i can picture it perfectly in my mind^^ but i think you shouldn't mention the word "spotless"
Deletei like how you described As she walked out of her room she made sure her floor did not have any shoe marks. it lookes really good :)
DeleteI like your details- there was a candle lit so the room smells sweet ~ it makes me to imagine smelling
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI opened the door to the only sane place in this building: my room. It was so nice here that I took three moments to appreciate it. The first thing I notice is the freshly mopped, checkered marble floor. Not a dust might, dirt stain or blood stain on it. It was so clean in fact that I could see my unnerving, disoriented reflection. I then turned my attention to my, probably forein single sized bed. Sheets of silk were crisp and the new sky blue contrasting pillow were fluffed. the books in my book case formed there own miniature library. countless lines of books alphebetised by the aurtors surname and carfully labeled one inch from the bottom of the spine. Next to the mountain on knowledge was my desk where i procces that knoledge. The layout of my study space was asymetrical with my laptop in the middle of the desk. My pencils were placed neatly in the little pencil mug that said ' I 'heart' to learn' on the sides. My cloths area was also pride worthey. In my closet my coats and jeans were neatly hung on the hooks. In my cupboards, my other cloths were recently pressed and ironed, and my undergarments lay in almost cute piles netx to then. I hung my bag on the nerest hook that was clearly labled 'weapons sack', which was next to many other abled a variety of other things. As I went for my bed, I slipped over my waxed floor, about to tumble to the hard marble, but managed to grab onto an electrical socket near my desk, avoiding concution. Unluckily for my the house was begining to have another power surge. I scramble to balance myself so I could stop holding on to the socket, yes it was that clean. I for a second I thought I was going to mak--
ReplyDeleteBy: wisesa
Its very good, and very descriptive there are lots of good showing sentences :)
Deleteput cher
I really like your paragraph!! There are so much details and showed well especially Sheets of silk were crisp and the new sky blue contrasting pillow were fluffed
Delete+asymetrical - asymmetrical
(capital letter)countless lines of books alphebetised
It's good that you wrote alot of discriptions about the room was spotless. I like this sentence the best - The first thing I notice is the freshly mopped, checkered marble floor. Not a dust might, dirt stain or blood stain on it. It was so clean in fact that I could see my unnerving, disoriented reflection. It feels really fresh. :)
ReplyDeleteAs I stepped into my room, the first thing that hit me was the fresh lemon scent of a newly mopped floor. Chair was pushed in, without even a butt print. My pencils are arranged by colors and placed inside the original package, like its unused. Dirty clothes were out of my side like it wasn’t there. Books are alphabetically in orders. Homework’s stacked neatly beside the stationary. Bags and hats put down carefully in the right spot. No drawers jutting out. Pillows were fluffed up. Not a single piece of crumbs on the floor or anything would be able to enter the room because it will get executed. Everything in my room was in place like it’s a new fresh room.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing to see when I enter the room is books that were ordered alphabetically on the big wooden bookshelf. After taking a next step on polished marble floor, a bed with no dust on would come into your sight. Then a white wardrobe filled with immaculate clothes, a backpack carefully put down beside it. A vacuum was leaning against a smooth wall, ready for action in case my muddy brother comes into the room. On my desk, a label maker and a silver shiny laptop comfortably sitting on their exact, waiting for me to use. I am not able to see dirty clothes anywhere, because they were hidden in a plastic box. Toys looked like freshly made in the factory just now, fully packed in one huge basket placed in the corner. I was pleased to see that my little 4-year-old stinky brother hasn’t come in. I smiled, hanging my school bag behind the door. Then I heard a high toned voice. “Katie! Katie! Can I borrow your toys?” I panicked at once, smile disappearing from my face. I heard the footsteps getting closer. Oh no! That’s my brother! Quickly running towards the super vacuum, I stood in front of the door, ready to beat him. Just in time, the door opened. I switched the vacuum on, immediately lifting it up in front of his face. “Ghsjjjdneee” The vacuum made a strange loud sound, trying to put his face in its hole. He raged, crying as loud as an eruption. 5 minutes of struggling to escape from the vacuum, his hair was badly messy and his face was incredibly red like a tomato. I finally let him go, saying "Do not come back again! I told you so many times not to come into this room!" Making sure he dissapeared, I shut the door loudly. Fortunately, I could see no mud anywhere in my lovely room.
ReplyDeleteAs I pushed the door open and let go of the handle, I noticed a sense of cleanliness in my room. I started walking and the first thing I noticed was the floor. The wood was perfectly polished that I could see, even up to the finest texture. Not even a termite would bite on these floors. I turned my head and I saw more uncluttered changes in my room. The glass on the wardrobe and mirror were gleaming and shining like pure gems. They were so immaculate that I could see my reflection, details and all. I turned my head in the other direction and saw my "2nd generation" desk. The desk chair was pushed in and spick and span, like an unopened package, but with no signs of a person. Additionally, the pencils and colored pencils were arranged and ordered like the colors of an art palette. They seemed like they were popping out at me, with happiness on their pencil tips. Likewise, the computer and television had their own organization; the electricity cables were perfectly connected. It was like a highway full of circuits, with no tangles. Finally, I reached the other side of my room, with the window in full view. I opened the window and... a gush of fresh air streamed in. "Ahhh...", I sighed, as scents of plants, flowers and the heat arrived, reflecting on my windowsill.
ReplyDeleteMy room is spotless
ReplyDeleteAs I step into my room I could smell lemon fresh scent from the recently moped floor and the air freshener by the turned on the AC, I hang my orange Samsonite school bag on a silver steal hook by the door. I took a seat on my buttprintless black chair and took a glance at my orange room and see that the bed was properly made, a pillow with a brownish cover was placed on the top of the bed and the white and blue Lufthansa blanket was folded and placed on the lower part of the bed. I also imagine how I would feel when it is messy, it was a horrible thought. I took of my smelly white school T-shirt, folded it and put in a light blue basket by the door with other folded dirty clothes in it, than I took of my long dark green trousers and put it also in the full basket. I walk to my orange and light brown wardrobe, open it and take out the clothes that are prepared for Monday which is today. I put on a black Adidas t-shirt and short light-grayish cargo pants and put them on. I took out my black Acer laptop out of its black laptop carrier and placed it on my light wood colored desk with all the pens and pencils placed in it dark grey container in a pocket on the table. I turned on my laptop and did the homework that Ms. Katrina told me to do about “My room is spotless”. By: Markus
As I stepped into my room, hanging my school bag neatly on its designated hook, the first thing that hit me was the fresh lemon scent of a newly mopped floor. I sat down on a chair which was pushed in, without even a butt print, watching my table. I felt that my table which has lots of containers which were systematic would make anything be in order, opening glasses on wardrobe. After that, I felt dizzy so I lied on my bed. The pillows were flopped, and the sheets were tight even I could sleep well for 5 hours.
ReplyDeleteWhen I opened the door the lovely and fresh lemon scent that, made me to think of cold ice lemonade, I drank in last summer vacation, which is made from my grandmother, who has lemon orchard. It made me feel better, and felt like my head became fresher. After intoxicated by the fresh scent of lemon. I looked around the room to check whether everything is on their spot, as I predicted, everything was on its spot. It was looked like everything is welcoming me. The soft bed, that make me sleep only in a seconds and my favorite blue chair made with the oak wood with the soft cushion on, were both looked like they wanted me to use themselves, so put my bag that is heavy as a ton of rock, in right spot, that is next to the white table, on the table, there were groceries, container with three floors, that is really big. After put my bag in right spot, I changed my clothes and put my clothes in the wooden laundry box that is sculpted the word as, ‘This box is for Laundry’ and painted with white paint. After put my clothes right into laundry box after folding it, I started to do my homework, I found my pencil and eraser in three floor container, with name label on it, first floor labeled for pencils, seconds floor for eraser and third is for color pencil or pen. Then I went to the bookshelves to find the book I need, it was easy that the book were categorized in alphabetic order. Then I went to find cds and radio to play classics that will help me to study, in cd case cds were categorized in alphabetic order, as like bookshelf, after finish myhomework I throwed myself in the soft bed that is welcoming me but, suddenly with smell of dirt that disturbed the fresh lemon scent, that intoxicated me, my little brother came with messy hair and dirt and mud on his hand, as he entered room, my room started to ready for attack that will my brother will give to my room, so my floor that is really clean that I can see pattern of marble made my brother to fell down. But, my poor brother who hurted his head just wanted me to come down for dinner. So, after help him to stand up we went to downstairs after close my room’s door tight my door as possible.
ReplyDeleteWhen I enter my room I was met with a flash of gleaming light that almost blinded me because of how clean it was, I hung my bag on its shiny golden hook designated especially for the bag. I went to my working station and saw that everything is in its rightful place and sparkles like somebody was waxing it for hundreds of years, I placed my neatly organized books and files next to my colour coded pencil holder.
ReplyDeleteI went to the other side of the room seeing all of my miniatures perfectly displayed without a single speck of dust on them. My Bed was neatly tidied with everything tucked in properly in its place with the pillows perfectly fluffed up. I looked down seeing that the floors was waxed to perfection shining and gleaming, it looked like if I ever spilt a drink on it a vacuum cleaner would come out of nowhere and attack that one spot like a vicious lion attacking a injured deer in the middle of rush hour on the high way. I went to open my wardrobe to see that all my clothing were hung on their racks and in their draws. Moving to my bathroom I saw a flash of light like a angle descending from the heavens to clean the bathroom. But suddenly a squealing sound from behind the door, I was thinking “NO NO NO!” As a pig slammed through my door luckily the pig had only one mud spot but I saw it running towards my beautiful made bed but before it got there I leaped forward doing a leap of faith jumping onto the pig and managed to snag him, but it turns out I messed my own bed up.
Hi my name is Nima and I want to tell you the story of my friend (Zoella’s) room and how clean it was, literally when he opened the door I was really shocked, not like my room it was smelly, full of junk, dirty laundry everywhere, pencils everywhere I think I better follow him and do what he does. Any way enough talking about my room lets move on to his room. I could really smell the lemon scent in the air and I saw lots of caramel, cranberry and ocean wave candles burning that made the room smelled like heaven, next thing I saw was her desk, it was so organized the stationary was in place, books were stacked up in a pile and also there was also lots of thorn hanging round and standing on her desk, even her makeup desk was clean she puts everything in a bag depending what the items are like nail polish, eye shadow, lipstick, eyeliner and more and puts it in a drawer. Her room was out of this world.. and I really want to come here again.
ReplyDeletei accidentally wrote about a boy but its supposed to be a girl
DeleteAs I stepped into my room, hanging my schoolbag neatly on its designated hook, the first thing that hit me was the fresh lemon scent of a newly mopped floor. My chair had no butt prints. I lay down on the bed which had white, clean sheet with dolls lined up in a row. The entire room was so clean and sparkled that you need sunglasses. On the desk, items were symmetrically lined with computer in the middle. Right next to it, there was a bookshelf with books arranged alphabetically. A crumb entered this room, but it was executed immediately by a vacuum. Then, bacteria entered here, but there were no other bacteria in here, and it meant no friends for it, so it was very sad and eventually, it went out to find its friends.
ReplyDelete